STILL The Best Pumpkin Carver. Ever.

I suspected it would happen. I knew to expect it. And yet when I was confronted, challenged, this Halloween about my title as Best Pumpkin Carver. Ever. I have to admit I was a little taken back. Then I was mildly amused. Now, I am absolutely confident that they were joking.
You see, my sister Jeniffer and her daughter Marianna thought to overthrow me this year as the Best Pumpkin Carver. Ever. But they forgot one thing: they would have to carve pumpkins superior to my own. And here is where the plan failed miserably for them. They only saw the glory, the fame of overthrowing me, The Best Pumpkin Carver. Ever, and did not count on the challenge of actually carving a pumpkin.
Well, young grasshoppers, I am here to tell you that while you carvings are cute and interesting to behold, they can't hold a candlestick up to mine. I'm sorry to put it to you so bluntly, but it's true.
Now we shall have the judging. Shall we start with Marianna's? I think so.



So...this is a spider. A spider whose right side is aflame. Now no spider I have ever seen could ever, ever still be living if their whole right side were on fire. So there is a point off for unrealisticness. Also this spider seems to be dangling in front of a crecent moon, now this is the silliest thing I've ever heard of. Halloween is all about full moons and scariness, NOT crescent moons. Silly girl, I have much yet to teach you. But dont' feel too discouraged, it took me a few seconds years to get as good as I am today. Keep practicing and maybe someday you will stand a chance of becoming the Best Pumpkin Carver. Ever. being able to enter the same competition as me.

Now onto Jennifer.

First let me say, kudos to her for a) getting the moon right, and b) having a throwback to their own piratical ship.

Okay, kudos over, now lets get down to business. First of all, this is NOT Pirates of the Caribean so your ship is not going to go anywhere with that big hole in it's sail. Sorry, but it's just not going to happen. Also, the wind must be very confused where you are sailing, becuase your sails are going one way and the flag the other. Sorry, but again it's not going to happen. And thirdly, I can't see Marianna anywhere in the rigging, and I know that if you guys really lived on this boat, as you claim in your blog, she would be up in the rigging brandishing her sword and yelling into the wind.....before scampering down for tea and scones. So maybe that is where she is...having tea? Either way, it's not going to cut it in this competition. You must leave nothing to doubt!

I'm sure you guys are feeling pretty silly right now. So I have something that will cheer you up immensly: my carved pumpkin! I know, I know you just can't get over how generous I am. It's a gift.

Here, in all it's carved glory, is my Best Carved Pumpkin of 2009!

Does it kill you guys how amazing I am? Be truthful.

Now here is a truly amazing piece of pumpkin carving greatness. We see before us an obvious subject, three ferocious wolves, howling their ferociousness at the moon, which you will all notice is a full moon. We see some artistic placement of tastefully frightful trees. Not to mention the absolute skill involved to carve such perfect, perfect wolves. See how realistic they are? I'm amazing.

So I hope we won't have to go through this anymore. I have officially and truly beat you all for two years running at carving pumpkins. And truthfully it's getting a little embarrassing to be beating you all so badly. So, please accept your defeat gracefully and send me chocolate as a winners package! Please.